If You Really Knew Me
by TheRoyalAssassin
Summary: What happens when Challenge Day comes to Degrassi? Relationships are tested, secrets are reveled, only question is, will they all be the same? Rated T for lots of swearing. Lots of Different POVs Clare/Eli/Adam are the main focus though.
1. Come One Come All

**If You Really Knew Me**

**Chapter 1 : Come One Come All  
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_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi (If I did, it would be all Eli all the time) or If You Really Knew Me._

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**Eli's POV**

I walked through the doors of Degrassi, smirk ever present on my face, begging the next poor soul to challenge me. I was just about to turn down the hall when I saw Fitz beating on another kid half his size with his cronies at his side. I picked up my pace to teach him yet another lesson when Principle Simpson stepped in front of me, eye brows raised.

"Wait here." He instructed and he headed over to break up the fight. Oh crap what could I have possibly done now? I hadn't skipped in over a week and because Mr. Simpson stepped in, I haven't even looked at Fitz since our little mishap with his fake ID.

He sent the kid to the nurse, he was bleeding and Fitz to his office. He walked back towards me and said, "Eli, I know you're new here and since you've been having some trouble fitting in," Whoa, whoa, hold the phone; he thought I had trouble _fitting in_? I had Clare and I had Adam, I didn't need to fit in anymore than that, "and I thought you would like to attend this year's Challenge Day." He handed me a ticket.

"Uhm, Mr. Simpson, what's Challenge Day and why would you think I needed to attend?"

"Well, Eli, it's very simple The Challenge Day is to provide youth and their communities with experiential programs that demonstrate the possibility of love and connection through the celebration of diversity, truth, and full expression. Basically you tell your classmates who you really are."

I scoffed, "So you're telling me that you want me to spill my secrets. To the entire school?"

"In layman's terms, yes."

"But, Mr. Simpson, I—"

"No buts Eli. You're going." Mr. Simpson gave him a stern look and headed back to his office. I groaned and hit my head against the lockers. This would be Hell.

**Clare's POV**

I took my seat in the Media Immersion room and logged into my account, class had just started when Sav and Holly J came on the T.V screens.

"What goes on Degrassi? President Sav here telling you all to get your tickets to this year's Challenge Day."

Holly J took over, " For those of you who are new to Degrassi, Challenge Day is the one day a year you answer the question 'If you really knew me'."

Sav finished the announcement with, "Tickets go on sale this Friday. Later Degrassi!"

Ms. Oh continued talking about blogs and the effects their messages have on readers. Alli turned to me, "So, are you going to get a ticket this year?"

"I don't know." Truth is, I really didn't want to. This year I actually had problems to share and I wasn't sure if I was ready to share them with anyone other than my English partner.

"Well, I know I am." She gave 'that' look. The one where you know she's up to something.

"Hmm..." I trailed off, I should ask Eli if he plans on going . Nah, it's probably 'not his scene'.

**Adam's POV**

Well this week just keeps getting better and better! First, **[A/N SPOILER ALERT! If you haven't watched "My Body is a Cage" part 1 or 2 than you may want to stop reading here and go watch it, links in the end note!]** Bianca tells the whole school that I'm a girl, then I get thrown into a door by Owen, then Drew gets beat up by Fitz trying to defend me (Which I told him not to do!), then the LGTB teacher supervisor has to follow me around the school "looking out" for me for God knows how long! Now, Simpson wants me to go to Challenge Day? Hell no!

Everyone already knows my secret, what's the point? It's not like they're suddenly going to accept me because I listen to them whine about how "awful" their lives are. Why don't they try being an FTM, having people beat up on you because you are the way you are, having everyone excluded you because they think you're a freak; well, almost everyone. Eli and Clare seemed very open to the fact that I am what I am. I guess it pays to hang out with the misfits...if that is what we are.

I guess I'll just have to pull through it. I just hope I don't lose anymore friends because of it.

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**Okay, so I wanted to end it on a dramatic note, but I hope to update soon. I have first-draft-itis (I hate all of the stories I write after the first chapter) so let's hope that I can pull through and finish this story. It was originally going to be a one-shot but then I was like 'I REALLY need to get this out there!' And if you hadn't guessed it was inspired by "If You Really Knew Me" on MTV**

**So here are the links to Degrassi episodes : .com/tv/degrassi/episodes/**

**Watch what you've missed and then for awesome captions (Kind of like LOLcats...so I guess you could call them DegrassiLoLs?) and episode recaps go here: .com/degrassi-episode-16-its-a-family-affair/ that is the recap for the latest episode, there are links to the others at the end of the post.**

**Review please! Best Wishes!**

**-NDC**


	2. The Boy Who Doesn't Know

**If You Really Knew Me**

**Chapter 2: The Boy Who Doesn't Know His Girlfriends Secret**

***!NOTE TO ALL READERS!* to vote on ideas, please visit ****www. mydegrassifanficpoll . yolasite . com/ (without the spaces.)**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me. Characters and ideas are property of their rightful owners._

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K.C's POV**

Challenge Day, I laughed quietly to myself. I remember last year, no one changed, we just used what we had learned to our advantage. I guess that would be of some sort of use this year, especially since that Goth freak came to Degrassi this year and he was getting a little too close to Clare for my liking. Wait, what? I broke up with her, I'm with Jenna. End of story. No looking back, no regrets.

I saw Jenna coming down the hallway, she was looking around suspiciously. She looked up at me, I smiled, she looked down and brushed passed me. Oh no, it got weird. She had gone to some sort of audition yesterday afternoon and the we...um...celebrated her making it in. I guess she wasn't ready. Maybe I should just leave her alone for a while...she'll come to me when she's ready...I hope.

I was headed to gym, second class of the day. Math had passed by in a blur, all I could think about was Jenna and why she was upset. Was it me? The only distraction the whole period was Clare and the Goth kid practically running passed my classroom. I guess they were skipping again. Why did I even care? I was done with her, I had moved on and I guess she had too.

Back to reality, I changed quickly, overhearing guys talking about Challenge Day and how lame they thought it was, someone asked "Hey K.C, you..uh...I heard you and Jenna..."

"Yeah, what about us?" I turned around and took a step forward. It was Zane.

"Look, man. People are saying things—"

"They can say what they want!"

"They're saying...well, that Jenna's...pregnant."

"What," I laughed a little, "you think that my own girlfriend wouldn't tell me if she was pregnant?"

"I'm just telling you what I heard man." Zane held his hands up in defence. We were the last two people standing in the locker rooms when Drew stuck his head in.

"Guys, class started. Coach says if you guys don't come out, you're getting detentions."

I glared at Zane, he walked out the door, giving my once last sympathetic glance as he shut the door. Like I needed his sympathy. Jenna would tell me if she was pregnant... Right?

**Eli's POV**

Clare and I drove back to school in Morty, she was laughing at the comment I had made towards her currently ex boyfriend's pregnant girlfriend.

"Well, she defiantly looks the part." Clare said between giggles. I put my hand on my chest in mock horror.

"CLARE EDWARDS! I would have _never_ expected you to say such hurtful things towards a fellow classmate!"

She hit my shoulder playfully resulting in an exaggerated _OW!_ courtesy of the one and only Eli Goldsworthy.

I heard a rustling in the back of Morty, I looked at Clare and she looked back at me with the same worried expression. I pulled my hearse over and turned my body so I could see over the seat.

"AHH!" Was exactly what Clare and I both yelled when Adam jumped up, well, as far as he could have, screaming at us.

He laughed, "You two are such girls!"

"Thanks for noticing!" Clare retorted.

"I am not!"

"Really Eli? Are we five?" Adam looked at me in disbelief, Clare just laughed harder.

She abruptly stopped laughing, "Wait, were you there the whole time?" Clare asked and blushed a little.

"Yeah, by the way Eli, it reeks back here."

"Where else am I supposed to store the bodies?"

"Eli, dude. The reek that emanates from the back of this hearse demonstrates a primitive specimen who is obviously oblivious to the twentieth century advancements made in the field of hygiene. Put some febreze in here would you?"

"No, it gives Morty a 'lived in' smell."

Adam rolled his eyes again, "Anyways are uh...are you guys doing Challenge Day?"

"Yeah, Simpson's not giving me a choice, he said it would _'help me fit in_'" I said in my worst Simpson voice. Adam laughed,

"You? Fit it? Only if driving a hearse became the next J Biebes." We all laughed, that comment stung a little though, it's not something you really want to hear from one of your best friends.

"What about you, Clare?" I asked.

"I..uh...I didn't.." She stammered, I just starred at her, she starred back.

"It's up to you, we'll be there for you Clare." Adam put his hand on her shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

She smiled sheepishly, "You know, I think I will go, thanks guys." Her smiled widened.

"Awesome! I have support system! Anyways, guys I gotta get to class," he grabbed his backpack and opened the back door. "By the way," he said looking back at us, "you guys are sickly sweet together, you give me the runs." He shut the door and headed towards the school doors. Clare giggled, I smirked. Challenge Day was about to get a lot more interesting.

**Alli's POV**

This was perfect, if I could convince Drew to go to Challenge Day, everyone will officially know we're together. When I asked him earlier he was dead set on staying home and watching a movie or something, maybe his sister—er brother, could convince him for me.

"Hey Adam, old buddy, old pal of mine." I put my arm around his shoulder's and gave my best '_for the love of God help me out here'_ smile.

He kept walking, I kept pace with him, "Oh no, what do you want? Has this got something to do with my brother?"

"Well, not..really, well...yeah, could you PLEASE convince him to go to Challenge Day for me, PLEASE?" I batted my eyelashes.

"Hm...thinking...thinking...no. I'm not some messenger boy between you and Drew. Talk to him yourself." He walked away. This would take some more planning.

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This end note comes to you in 5 parts:_

_Part 1_**- Okay, can I just take the time to say that I absolutely LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you so much for the Reviews, the faves and the subscriptions. You guys are amazing. This idea had been floating around in my head for a few days and I didn't for a second believe I would get so much feed back! Thank You once again! **

_Part 2- _**Okay, so the title is based off the Cardinal promo for Degrassi, and FF for some reason cut off everything before the .com on the links in the last A/N so the beginning would be muchmusic then the rest of the URL's, they are both from Much Music.**

_Part 3- _**I'll try to update as often as I can. Please leave suggestions on who and what you want to see happen in this story in the reviews or message me privately. I'm taking the most time to edit these stories because I don't want to put out crap for you lovely people! **

_Part 4- _**So I apologize in advance for any missed updates especially with school coming up in just a few short weeks but hey, good news! DEGRASSI TOMORROW!HOLY SHIT THIS IS GONNA BE ONE MOTHER OF A WEEK! Next Chapter I'm thinking POV's from Jenna, Bianca and either Drew, Fitz or Riley. Review Please and tell me what you want to see!**

_Part 5_**- I just watched the Boiling Point Trailers for Teen Nick (even though I watch Degrassi on MuchMusic) for the last 2 weeks and I have to say****,, I HAVE SOME MAJOR ISSUES WITH ELI RIGHT NOW. I have resorted to drowning my sorrows in cookies and I don't know how long it will be before I can accept him again. All I'll be thinking about when they kiss will be "NOOO! HE'S LEADING YOU ONN!" ugh, why can't something just work out in Degrassi FOR ONCE!  
**

**Best Wishes!**

**-NDC**


	3. Effers

**If You Really Knew Me**

**Chapter 3:**

***!NOTE TO ALL READERS!* to vote on ideas, please visit www. mydegrassifanficpoll . yolasite . com/ (without the spaces.)**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me. Characters and ideas are property of their rightful owners._

**Fitz's POV**

_(Back in Simpson's office *refer to chapter 1*)_

I sat there in Simpson's office. Waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting, until _finally_ he came through the door. My eyes followed him as he sat down in his seat, folded his hands and started at me.

"Well, explain yourself Mr. Fitzgerald."

When I didn't say anything, Simpson sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Detention, 1 month. Also, you will be attending Challenge Day. Maybe that will give you some perspective." He said, glaring at me.

"WHAT! Principle Simpson I—" He held up his hand and cut me off.

"No arguing, get to class, and give these to your friends." He handed me some other tickets.

"BUT!—"

"Now! Before I call your parents."

I got up and left, mumbling cusses under my breath. This sucked major ass. At least I wouldn't have to go it alone. I almost smiled at that.

I saw that freak Eli, he looked a little too high and mighty for my liking. Might as well mess with him a little, let out some anger.

"Eee-Liii"

He turned around and glared at me. "What do you want."

"Never got to thank you for getting me busted with the cops."

"Oh, yeah?" He dropped his bag, clenching his fists.

"Yeah." I socked 'em in the mouth. He stumbled back a bit and wiped he blood from his now busted lip.

"You _really_ shouldn't have done that." He came at me and pushed me to the ground, kicking and punching, one after the other. Fugger even got me in the eye. My fist collided with his nose and I guess I had broken it. I pushed him off of me, stood up, grabbed his collar and threw him into the lockers.

A crowd had gathered and Simpson stuck his head out of the office.

"Fitzgerald! For the love of—you _just_ left my office!"

I dropped Eli, he kept glaring at me as I stormed back into Simpson's office, I'd be lucky if I wasn't suspended.

**Jenna's POV **_**(after KC broke up with her for being preggers)**_

"I can't believe he left me, just like that. How am I supposed to take care of this baby _alone_!"

Alli sat to my left, trying to comfort me, "He's an ass Jenna."

Clare sat on my right, "Yeah, take it from someone who's been there and done that."

Clare had been unusually kind to me, I guess we were in the same boat now. KC had left us both stranded in the water without paddles.

Eli walked by then, usually, he and Clare would exchange words or something but today he didn't even look in her direction, he just walked on by while Clare glared then rolled her eyes.

"Whoa, what's up with you two? Last time I checked you were head over heels for that guy." Alli said.

"That was then," she sighed, "this is now." She explained what had happened with the English project **[A/N did anyone else notice how eager Eli was to be Romeo? What the hell! Why is he being such a girl now? Ugh, guys -_-]** and what he had said when they spoke by his hearse. Poor girl can't catch a break when it comes to love.

"I'm sorry Clare, for everything I mean." I looked at her then looked down at my hands.

"Oh, Jenna, it's okay. It's in the past right? No looking back." She glared at Eli who was in the corner of the cafeteria talking to Adam, he gave her a look back.

"Well, me and the baby gotta go do an ultra sound later today. Can you guys come with? I _really_ don't want to go by myself."

"Of course we'll come." Clare said, looks like things were getting to be back to the way they used to be...kind of.

"Well, Jenna, you might still be preggers but on the bright side your hair looks supa fly today." Alli joked, we all laughed. I hope things can get better between us, all of us. My only hope is that Challenge Day will ring us all closer together. We all really need it now

_This end note comes to you in four parts._

_Part 1- _**So, tonight's episode made me positively giddy...until Eli won ass of the year. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him...I hate what he did...but I'll probably grow to accept him again...in time.**

_Part 2- _**Sorry for the short chapter but people really wanted me to update so...yeah. **

_Part 3- _**Also, if anyone wants me to edit their stories message me privately. **

_Part 4-_** Just as a reference, everyone who's POV I do is going to Challenge Day, I just wanted to mention that so I don't have to keep implying it in the chapters**

**Best Wishes!**

**-NDC**


	4. The Countdown

**Okay, so. I really want to finish this cause things are getting supa busy up in hurrr with school starting in a few weeks and crap. (Side note, to all the freshman this year, message me if you want a YouTube vid telling you what to expect freshman year and what you'll need and crap) So this is probably going to be the last chapter before Challenge Day, there just short paragraphs about some thoughts on Challenge Day etc, etc. Challenge day will hopefully take no longer than two-three chapters to get over with so, here we go, the countdown to Challenge Day.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me. All ideas are sole property of their rightful owners_

_**1 Day Before**_

**Riley**

Challenge Day this year is going to help me. I kept trying to convince myself that. That was when I had promised I would come out. I sat by J.T's memorial thinking through the different scenarios in my head. Almost all of them ended badly. Owen will never let me live it down.

**Drew**

Alli had kept trying to convince me to go to Challenge Day, God knows what she has planned. She already has me wrapped around her fingers, what more could she want. I had finally gotten her to drop it but you never know with Alli, she could very well be planning on slipping something in my drink and dragging me there by my shirt collar.

**Bianca**

Why the hell did Fitz have to go and mess things up? If he hadn't gotten busted, Simpson would have never forced us t go to Challenge Day. I had been planning on skipping until Simpson had promised to personally escort us all to the gym that day. I had secrets that I wanted to share, that I wanted to get off my back but I know that no one will ever look at me the same if they knew how weak I really felt.

**Okay, I know this was like, the shortest chapter ever, I was going to write Eli and Clare or Adam but I had already done Adam and I'm having issues writing about Eli and Clare since I don't know what the situation is with them as of yet. Hopefully tonight's episode will shed some light. When things are better between them, I'll write more about them but for now I just...can't. And good God it's raining so much right now and the wind is blowing but you can see the sun between the clouds and it's so...pretty. I love it.**

**Best Wishes!**

**-NDC**


	5. Challenge Day Part 1

_**Challenge Day Part 1**_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me. All ideas are sole property of their rightful owners.

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**Eli's POV**

It had been a week since I had tried to distance myself from Clare. So far so good. Things had been going according to plan mostly due to the fact that I had skipped class almost every day and generally avoided her. Everything was going well...until Adam told her where I lived. She had been pretty cool about giving me space. But now I had another problem, Challenge Day. Simpson was standing by the door that lead to the gym while everyone was standing in line. I was at the back when I felt someone come up behind me. I turned to see a nervous-looking Clare. Whether she was nervous because she was minutes away from revealing her personal secrets to Degrassi or because she felt like she was still giving me space, I wouldn't know. But I had had enough space, now I just needed my momentum back.

"Hey Clare." I smiled.

"Hi." She said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it, it'll all be over soon." She smiled and looked down at her shoes.

"Thanks." I put my arm around her and rubbed her shoulder. She blushed a little.

Adam sat down beside us on the bleachers and nodded hellos to the two of us.

Both the speakers wore red shirts, one had short brown hair and she was thin. The other had a shaved head, he was also extremely thin and pale.

The man spoke first, " Hey everyone, what's going on? I'm Drake and this is my friend Nicole, everybody say 'wassup?'" The crowd mumbled greetings and shifted uncomfortably.

"This is Challenge Day, the day where you put all of your fears and insecurities, all of your frustration and anger, all of your problems and sadness behind you and realize that you are not alone." Nicole spoke in a soft tone.

I still had my arm around Clare, she put her head on my shoulder and let a few silent tears fall.

Drake and Nicole had gone on to talk about some of the things teenagers have to go through, twenty-five minutes later, Nicole said, "Before we send you into your groups, we wanted to share with you some of the things we have gone through in our lives and open up to you...just like you will open up to each other."

Drake took the microphone, "Hey everyone, well, I'm sure you guys have noticed. I'm not the most healthy looking guy around, and that's because I'm not. I'm twenty-two years old...and I've had cancer since I was seven. I've gone into remission in the past year. I have a wife and a three year old baby girl...and every day, I think about the fact that at any moment, I could die. My daughter won't know her father, and I'd be leaving my wife to raise her on her own and it's hard, but I know that I have people who have got my back and that doesn't make up for much, but it makes up for something." Drake was sniffling softly and blinking back tears.

Nicole came up and hugged him. He gave her the microphone, "I'm not like Drake...I'm not as strong as Drake, our lives cannot even begin to compare. I had a childhood, I had parents, a family, friends, a nice house. Everything was great...until I got into high school. You guys know how high schoolers can be, they make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. I felt so uncomfortable so much so that by the end of grade 9, I had developed an eating disorder. At one point, I weighed no more than ninety pounds, I kept on having to go to the hospital to get IV's, and things only got worse in grade 11 when my best friend died in a car crash. That's when I got into drinking and heroin, I was hoping and praying that the buzz I got would make things better, but it didn't.

"The worst part is, none of us even knew her well enough to know if she left us on purpose, we would never know her words in those final moments. My life changed when I went to my first Challenge Day, I had a support system that I never knew I had. I got better, I started eating, things weren't perfect, after one of your friends dies, things never are but they were _better_ and that's all I could have ever asked for." She had started crying, Drake pulled the microphone from her hands softly and said, "Please get into your groups."

In my group there was **[A/N this is in order starting from Eli's left, so Clare and Eli end up sitting beside each other because they sit in a circle, get it?]** Me, Adam, KC, Bianca, Fitz, Jenna, and Clare. Nicole regained her composure and said, " Close your eyes, think about what you have to face day to day...let yourself feel." Almost half a minute later, she said, "Open your eyes...you may begin." The whole room shifted around nervously again.

Clare looked around nervously and then cleared her throat, "If you really knew me..."

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_This end note comes to you in 3 parts:_

_Part 1- _**Muhaha! I'm going to leave it there for now cause I wrote quite a bit for just one chapter so it'll probably take 1-3 more chapters to end this shizz, also I ended it there because I'm evil and I know loyal readers will be suspensed-the-hell out **

_Part 2- _**Any ways, Time for shameless self-promotion (remember to take out the spaces!) ! Follow me on tumblr: http:/ royalassassin . and watch me on DeviantART : http:/ onceuponalife1014 . deviantart . com/**

_Part 3-_** I'll update "Let's Right The Wrongs And Wrong The Rights" like probably after the finale on Thursday cause it's killing me not knowing what happens and I don't like to make people out of character so I have to wait till I get the story line down. Don't forget to review, they don't completely cure my procrastination but awesome ones help like A LOT. **

**Best Wishes!**

**-NDC**


	6. Dear Reader

**Dear Reader,**

**I apologize for my lack of updating but after tonight episode I am an emotional wreck, I literally started crying and hyper ventilating. I don't know when I will be able to update again because school starts soon and I'm still trying to process the episode and the fall promo. Kso, apparently after I woke up I got like 16 notifications telling me that Tumblr lied and this hoax has been going on for a while now. So yeah in summation, fuck my life and wake me up when september ends  
**

**Best Wishes**

**NDC**

**P.S I would appreciate it greatly if you guys could give me awesome quotes from the following Degrassi characters:**

**-Fiona**

**-Clare**

**-Alli**

**-Sav**

**-Holly J**

**THANK YOU!**


	7. Challenge Day Part 2 For Esther

**Challenge Day Part 2**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me_

_This beginning note comes to you in 2 parts:_

_Part 1_- **Thank you all for understanding my situation with the finale of Degrassi, I really do appreciate it, I have had this written in my notebook but I don't have anything new written and I feel that you deserve something to read.**

_Part 2_- **I would like to ask you to please read the end note, it will explain why I am writing this beginning note and it will explain why I probably will not be writing for a longer time than expected.**

_Thank You. Enjoy the chapter._

"If you really knew me, you'd know that a few years ago my sister Darcy was raped and tried to kill herself. If you really knew me, you'd knew that I've hated her for it, after that happened, all of my parents attention was focused on her. It was like I didn't even exist. After she went off the Kenya, things went back to normal. When I came to Degrassi, I thought things would be great for the next four years. Boy, was I wrong." She scoffed.

"Things were great...for a while, I had friends, I had good grades, stayed out of trouble...I even had a boyfriend." She looked up through her eyelashes to quickly glance at KC who looked down nervously.

"But then, he cheated on me, I felt pretty alone for a while, I didn't think I would be able to trust a guy again. If you really knew me you'd know that for the past four months my parents have been fighting non-stop and my dad's been 'working' a lot lately. You'd know that I feel like life is always beating down on me and right now all I want is someone I can trust." She was sniffling a little and her eyes were filled with tears. She leaned on me and I squeezed her shoulder, Jenna was rubbing circles on her back and everyone but Adam was looking around awkwardly.

Jenna dabbed her eyes and said, "I guess I'll go next, um, I guess by now you'd have heard about me being pregnant. What you don't know is that both my parents are gone and I live with my brother. I can't have an abortion, it's too risky this late in the pregnancy and giving her (?) up for adoption just doesn't seem right. So I'm going to raise this baby with or without her father, I know I not ready to be a mom but I have to do this," Jenna was bawling, "and I don't know if I'll be a good mom but what else can I do?" Bianca had started to tear up too, KC looked as uncomfortable as ever, Clare and Adam gave her sympathetic looks, I kind of felt for her, Fitz was just staring off at the wall, and I know I should be a little more sensitive that she was spilling her guts but all I could think about was _'Did Clare notice that I still had my arm around her?'_

After Jenna had finished, Drake had come up to our group and encouraged Bianca to share her story, after a little prompting, she agreed, "If you really knew me, you'd know that the tough girl you see at school is just an act. You;d know my mother verbally abuses me, and my father abuses mme physically and sexually. If you really knew me you'd know that both my parents are alcoholics and angry drunks, and every night I get shivers when I realize that they are on their way home," she seemed pretty emotionless while she was talking but then she broke down crying hysterically, "if you really knew me, you'd know that some nights I don't know where I'm going to sleep, and it's hard, there's nothing I can do about it, I have no one." What happened next shocked the hell out of me, Fitz hugged her. And not some lame-ass side hug, no, it was a full on 'I care about you' hug. Wow. Fitz actually cares about someone.

KC was next, well this should be interesting, "If you really knew me..."

_This end note comes to you in one part._

_Part 1-_** If you are a nerdfighter like me or follow the vlogbrothers on youtube then you would know that earlier this week, Esther Earl, proud nerdfighter, the girl who helped us raise $250 000 for the Harry Potter Alliance died at the age of 16 from cancer. All of Nerfighteria is mourning the loss of such a loving, charming, funny, and giving person like Esther. When I found out I couldn't believe it, it felt like my heart stopped. To put it in perspective, I felt the way you did when you thought Eli had been stabbed or like you felt when you heard JT had died. There are no words to express how absolutely amazing she was, she was an inspiration to many. Esther's name means "star" and I have hope that nerdfighters all around the world will not let her star go out. Some people feel the need to make something positive from grief, but like John Green said 'Sometimes you just need to stand there and be sad' but if you would like to contribute to her family to help pay for the expenses that came up though out her treatment you can go to hpalliance. Com / friendsofesther to donate. Also, I really wanted to get a silicon wristband like the ones her friends had made, I can get 20 000 for about 15 cents or 20 for about $2 I don't have any nerdfighter friends and no one I know would understand but if you would like one and if there is enough interest then I'll probably order some and give them out.**

**Thank You for listening, reading, review and supporting me. Rest in Awesome Esther. I know you will never Forget to be awesome.**

**Best Wishes.**

**Nicole.**


	8. Challenge Day Part 3 For A Friend

**Challenge Day Part 3 For A Friend**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me

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"If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm in foster care, my dad's in jail, my mom just got out of rehab and wants me to go live with her. If you really knew me, you'd know that when I was little she would lock me in a closet when she was high, you'd know that a lot of shit happened last year with coach Carson **[A/N I was too busy with school to watch season 9, yeah high school fucking sucks ass, so I don't, nor do I wish to catch up on what happened with KC or the others.]**, you'd know that I cheated on my girlfriend last year and I'm sorry, you'd know that my life is being held together with tape and that I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I regret it all and I wish I had never messed up anyone's life."

I didn't really see any sincerity but I guess with all that shit, you wouldn't really feel all too comfortable telling anyone anything. I guess he meant it, he just didn't want to show that he did.

Adam spoke next, his story wasn't anything that he hasn't already told me, but every time he tells his story, you can't help but feel for him. "If you really knew me, you'd know how hard it is to be an FTM. You'd know that my step brother **[A/N yea people that's what I heard, on like MM that's probs why they are in the same grade]** is a football super star, he has every opportunity to have a perfect life and he keeps screwing it up. And I'm jealous of him for that. If you really knew me you'd know that my mom still sees me as her daughter and she can't let it go, you'd know that sometimes I think that things would just be easier if I was a girl, but when I'm her I'm not happy, I burn myself. It's not something that I can control, and sometimes I wish I could just be...normal."

Fitz was up next, could someone like him actually have enough of a heart hiding behind that black hole in the middle of his chest to actually be hurting on the inside? I didn't think so either, "I'm not doing this." He said emotionlessly.

Drake came up to him, "Dude, don't you want to get all of that hurt off your chest? We all have things that we're hiding, things that we don't want anyone to know, but it's more of a challenge to keep things inside than to tell someone what's wrong in your life."

"I won't do it." He stood up a left. Drake sighed, "Alright, man."

Everyone in the group looked at me, oh shit, it's my turn. Thank you very fucking much Fitzy boy.

"Okay, if you really knew me," Clare squeezed my hand, "you'd know that last year **[?]** my girlfriend and I got into a fight, it got messy and she took off on her bike only to get hit by a car, if you really knew me you'd know that when I was 9, there was this bully, and his favourite game was making my life a living hell and no matter how fast I ran, he was always faster. You'd know that nothing in my life has gone right, I've fucked up every good thing I've ever had and just for once, I want something that I can hold onto."

I was fighting back the lump in my throat and I was holding onto Clare for dear life, I finally had something that I could hold onto, someone I could depend on, and if something's going to ruin it. It'll be over my dead body.

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_This end note comes to you in 4 parts (Long Ass End Note, Pick What You Want To Read)_

_Part 1-_** I'm sorry that I haven't been updating as much, I've been severely unmotivated to write after Esther died, she was only a year older than I was and she didn't deserve to go. I would like to thank all of the people who have given their condolences to Nerdifghteria's loss, you know who you are and I thank you for your love, support, patience, and understanding of my situation. I would like to dedicate this chapter to the very very very few friends (real life friends) that have supported me through this tough time. You have no idea how much it actually means to me. Especially to one friend in particular that probably saved my life the night I found out Esther was dead. If it wasn't for you, I might not be here right now. Thank you. For Savannah, I know what you're going through, I know it hurts and I know it sucks, your too nice and good of a person to have all this shit happen, just know that I'm here for you. You're never alone.**

_Part 2-_** School starts on Tuesday September 7****th****, I will be taking such difficult courses as Anthro., Phsyco., and Socio. 3M and Intro to Canadian Law 3M. There will be little to no time to write. I apologize in advance. **

_Part 3-_** I am still editing and reviewing stories, you can private message me and ask me to do so for your story. But don't ask for advice then tell me I'm wrong, that's fucking stupid. Also, there will be one last chapter, it will be the Cross The Line thing they always do. I'm not sure if I want a happy ending or not, they're so unrealistic and cliché I'm sick of happy endings that never really happen.**

_Part 4-_** Dear Munro Chambers Fan girls, (not the real fans I'm talking those girls that are like "OMGZ i ToTeS LURRRVEEE UU! I wANa hv ur BAYbAyZ!") this is my message to you http:/ royalassassin . tumblr . com / post / 1038055185 / dear-fangirls (without the spaces and reblog if you agree) Regards, Me.**

**OKAY ALSO! Can I say that when you're writing a fan fic about Degrassi and you try to describe Toronto, can you do your research? Seriously it's annoying living in this city and reading stories that are completely off. Don't try feeding me bs like "Degrassi is unrealistic so it's okay" (It's actually not, it's more realistic than most stuff out there so that holds no water) or "It's a fan fic it's not supposed to be realistic." Stop making excuses to do any fact checking. I get it if for the sake of the story you need to add a building that's not there or something like that but everything else, there's no excuse.**

**As always, Rest in Awesome Esther.**

**Best Wishes.**

**Nicole**


	9. Cross The Line

**Cross The Line**

**A/N GASPETH! Nicole's updating TWICE in one DAY! Is the world coming to an end? Has Hell frozen over?**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or If You Really Knew Me_

When everyone had gotten a chance to speak, Drake and Nicole brought everyone into the middle of the gym and told all of us to stand behind one of the lines on one side of the gym.

"This is cross the line, if anything we say applies to you, cross the line to the other side of the gym." She held her hand up with her thumb, index, and little finger raised, "Does anyone know what this is? It's the international sign for?..."

"I LOVE YOU!" Someone yelled.

"I love you too!" She retorted, everyone giggled, there seemed to be a light-heartedness in the room the was undeniable. Something had changed, for the better.

Everyone shuffled behind the line, worried as to what they may say, "Cross the line if you have lost one or both of your parents." **[A/N Let's say that there are about 100-ish kids there, just so it makes a little more sense.]** Half of the crowed crossed the line, KC and Jenna were among them. Everyone on my side of the gym did their 'I love you sign'. The crowd crossed back.

"Cross the line if one or both of your parents are alcoholics or are addicted to some sort of substance. Thirty people crossed the line along with Bianca and KC. They crossed back.

"Cross the line if you feel as if you cannot break away from your label." Eighty of us crossed the line including myself, Clare, Adam, Jenna, KC, and Bianca. On the other side it felt oddly comforting to see those twenty hands showing their support. Clare's eyes glazed over, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, she smiled a small smile filled with emotion and gripped onto my side. Everyone had their arms around each other and broke apart just to cross back over.

"Cross the line if you don't really know what 'home' is." Twenty kids crossed the line including Bianca and KC.

"Cross the line if you have ever had a friend, a family member, or anyone you cared about, die." Ten kids including myself crossed the line. I was reluctant detaching myself from Clare and was eager to get back on the other side.

"Cross the line...if you have ever felt alone or hurt or as if life just won't give you a break." Everyone, all 100 of us, crossed the line. Some were reluctant but eventually everyone wrapped their arms around the shoulders of the friends, the strangers standing on either side of them.

"How can we be alone when everyone feels the same way? It's not that we're alone, it's that there's not enough communication."

"Cross the line if you will continue with what you have learned today, if you will be there for each other, if you will listen as much as you talk." Everyone crossed the line again. From what I had heard, last year no one truly meant it when they said they would continue with what they had learned but today, in this room full of people that had come together to peel away their masks, their skins, the characters they had made themselves out to be; you could see and feel the enthusiasm and the determination to make things right, to make things better.

Drake and Nicole had asked us to take our seats and opened up the floor to anyone that wanted to say something, a few kids took the microphone to apologize, or to tell their stories, suddenly I had an idea. With Clare resting her head on my shoulder I decided to be bold, I decided to tell the truth.

"If anyone would like to say one final thing, this is your chance, it's now or never." I got up and Drake handed me the microphone.

"I just wanted to say that...Clare?" She looked up...slightly confused, "I fucking love you." Everyone looked confused, shocked even, her eyes went wide and I knew what she was thinking, **[A/N this quote is brought to you by John Green in Will Grayson Will Grayson. I didn't come up with it, I just love this quote]**" "NO. No no no. I don't want to _screw_ you. I just _love_ you. When did who you want to screw become the whole game? Since when is the person you want to screw the only person you get to love? It's so stupid! I mean, Jesus, who even gives a fuck about sex? People act like it's the most important thing humans do, but come on. How can our sentient fucking lives revolve around something _slugs_ can do. I mean, who you want to screw and whether you screw them? Those are important questions, I guess. But they're not _that_ important. You know what's important? Who would you _die_ for? Who do you wake up at five forty-five in the morning for even though you don't even know why they need you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?"

Clare looked star struck, dazed even. There was a pause then everyone stood up and clapped. Clare just sat there looking at me, eyes glazed over looking like she was about to break into tears, I smirked at her, she smiled a _real_ smile the kind you can only see on a kid Disney land or on the face of a guy, like me, that found the most amazing girl in the world, like Clare. She smiled as she got up, she smiled as she ran up to me, she smiled as she wrapped her arms around my neck, and I swear to you she smiled as she crashed her lips to mine. I finally found that something I could hold onto, that someone that won't leave and after all was said and done that day there was a lot of things that we wish we could have done or wished we could take back or said or unsay. But the thing is, life is random. Sometimes it's tragic, and totally messed up. But there's one thing that makes all the drama and tears worthwhile. If you're lucky enough to find someone you love, who loves you back, it's a gift. And I found my gift.

_This end not comes to you in 3 parts:_

_Part 1-_ **I'd like to thank my readers, reviewers supporters you are what make me go on with my writing and I'd like to thank you for helping me improve my writing. I hope you enjoyed this last instalment as much as I enjoyed writing it, it was really...freeing.**

_Part 2-_**Yes that last little bit was a quote that Jimmy Brooks said I didn't come up with it.**

_Part 3-_ **I will now be finishing 'Let's Right The Wrongs And Wrong the Rights' before starting anything else.**

**As Always, Rest in Awesome Esther**

**Best Wishes!**

**Nicole**


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